The Life of Brian’s Statue: WAGS

Brian Clough’s statue muses on his life and what’s happening in the world today…

Well, I’ve seen lots of folk walking about with England shirts on, and the flags and bunting are coming out all over the place. Everyone’s full of hope that we can win this World Cup, including me.

Sounds to me like Fabio Capello’s doing a good job. He lets ’em know he’s the gaffer and won’t stand for any bloody nonsense. They have to sit down together at meal-times, and that’s quite right. Otherwise, they’d all be running around with platefuls of food, banging into each other and dropping jars of salad cream or bottles of sauce. It’s not worth the risk. If they’re all sat together at a table, then at least they stay injury free.

Y’see, I’ve heard of some bloody silly injuries in my time. No matter how much you watch ’em, your players always get up to some daft bloody pranks and end up getting crocked. Even the most experienced do some stupid things, like lifting a bed up with a team-mate on it and dropping it on their own foot. At least when they’re all together on England duty, they can’t jump into their bloody fancy motors and pull a muscle before they’ve even pulled off.

Fabio knows all about managing top flight players. He has to make sure they don’t get bored. I see he’s agreed to let the wives and girlfriends accompany the team. Well, four weeks is a long time to be away, so I can see what he’s thinking. Most players behave themselves a lot more with their other half around.

I like seeing the players with their wives, it makes ‘em seem almost grown up. The wives bring a bit of glamour into the camp, and let’s face it, when you’re surrounded twenty-four hours a day by a load of daft young men in tracksuit tops and shorts, bouncing around like over-excited muppets, you pray for anything to stop it.

Y’can shout at ’em. Y’can read ’em the riot act. But, they’ll pick their moments. Usually when you’re not around. That’s when the pranks start.

That’s when I’d send for the wives and girlfriends.