Billy Davies to sue Uruguay manager for copyright infringement

The Luis Suarez biting affair has taken a strange new twist as former Nottingham Forest boss Billy Davies has threatened to get his lawyers involved.

Davies has stayed out of the spotlight since he was sacked by Forest in March, but broke his silence today by accusing Uruguay head coach Oscar Tabarez of stealing his managerial style.

Davies’ lawyer, a Mr Tim Brice, gave a brief press conference in which he outlined the Scots’ intention to sue Tabarez.

Reading a short statement, he said: “In recent days the manager of the Uruguayan national team, Oscar Tabarez, has given several press conferences defending the actions of his striker, Luis Suarez, who appeared to bite an opponent.

“Permitting blatant cheating by your players, turning your side into everyone’s most hated team and indulging in random acts of bizarre violence – these are all things that have become synonymous with Billy Davies.

“If this wasn’t already a blatant a case of copyright infringement, Oscar Tabarez then blamed everything on the English sporting press – pure Billy.

“Billy Davies has had blaming the press for your own failures protected as a trademark of his managerial style for several years now and we insist that Tabarez immediately cease and desist.”

Brice then pointed out that the way Uruguay started the World Cup poorly, went on a strong run and got everyone’s hopes up, but then fizzled out with a lacklustre performance was a blatant rip-off of a typical Billy Davies season.

Mr Brice added: “If Billy Davies can’t copyright turning a team into a circus, showing a complete lack of contrition and then blaming everyone else, who can?”

In other news:

• The British Dental Association is also planning legal action over the Suarez incident in order to prevent its profession being brought into disrepute by tooth-related jokes. BDA spokesperson Phil McAvity said: “We’re sick to the back teeth of people thinking they are being incisive with rotten dentistry puns that are filling up Facebook and Twitter. It’s time we put a cap on it, so brace yourself for the clamp down as we get to the root of this problem.”
• Facebook have apologised for experimenting with users’ news feeds to see if they could artificially create negative emotions. Facebook account holders in the Nottingham area have been fed a never-ending string of negative stories in recent years, leading to such emotions as anger, despair and humiliation. Facebook have promised that from now on the people of Nottingham will enjoy only happy news, although they admitted this was unlikely to affect Notts County fans for whom depression is a natural state.